Letters To My Family: To Dad

Dad: 

Is been 15 years since you left and today I still miss you.  Sometimes I wonder what would you think about my daughters, you would’ve had so much fun with them.  I can even imagine your conversations with my outspoken Sophie.  I can see you melting down with Dani’s charm.  I can see you furious for how my marriage ended up, but not at me.

You know something? Every day I think of you.  A little detail here or there, I even catch myself saying things you used to say.  Is like you’re still here.  Truth is you’ll always be in my heart.  I will always remember that day that you told me, “what I am going to do without you?”.  Little did I know that it was me the one that had to find the answer to that question.

Before you died I got to tell you how much I loved you over the phone.  What I never got to say was, “thank you”.  

Thanks for giving me this optimism, you always said that from all the bad things that could happen we would always get the best one of them, the one that would be for our own good.  You have no idea how much I thought of that through my divorce.  Those words gave me the strength to overcome that pain.


Thank you for teaching me that happiness is not loud or shiny. You showed me how happiness could be found even in the most insignificant moments.  That’s why I make every little thing count. 

Thank you for showing me that I’m my own person, that no one can decide for me, and that I build my own path.  I have to confess I forgot about that until I saw that I was walking in someone else’s steps for a long time.  I promise you I’ll try to keep it in mind.

Papi, I failed at one of the toughest things you taught me about love,  I let someone changed who I was in the name of love, but I’m fixing it now.  Little by little I am getting back to who I really am, and I love it!  Thank you!

Thank you for always letting me be who I wanted to be, the only condition you had was to only do what made me happy.  Life has strange way to push you the other way, so doing what makes me happy is always a challenge, but don’t worry you also made me a warrior and showed me that it was never late to learn.

Today mom said, “15 years ago was the saddest day of my life”.  My heart broke right there and then.  That day my life changed and I couldn’t even mourn you.  That day I had to be strong for someone else, my sister was about to give birth and I had to be there for her.  I never knew I was so strong. I think you would’ve been so proud.  Yes, I am still that little girl that wants to make you proud.

Dad you gave me so much I will never be done thanking you.  Your words still guide my life, today more than ever.  Thank you for being the dad you were to me, for loving me the way you did, letting me explore but always giving me the light I needed to walk my path. You’ll always be in my heart.  

I love you dad, today more than ever.

El Muñeco del Papa 

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