What I Wanted To Say And Never Did.

To My Husband:

Today I am talking to you from a place of pain, of mourning... The loss of our marriage, the loss of the image of a good husband, the loss of the trust I had in you.

Today I am hurt for your deceit, it hurts to know that you don't need me anymore, it hurts to discover that you don't truly know me, that you were not interested anymore in knowing me for who I am.  It hurts to unveil that all these years you were just an absent presence in my life, in our home.  The betrayal hurts.  It hurts to know that you did not have the courage to speak up about the problems you were having with our relationship.  It hurts that you did not give me the chance to help you, to help us be a better couple.  It hurts that you found a replacement before even leaving our bed.  Today I feel that every memory that I have with you hurts, because I will never know if was true for you as it was for me.

But in the midst of my pain I can still give thanks.  And want to thank you first and foremost for the two magnificent daughters we created, for the opportunity to be a mother, with all the challenges that represents, maybe I failed some of those but I know I succeeded in many others, I know my path of motherhood will never end, and that my road is just starting.  I know that I will always be learning how to be a great mother, how to be a role model for them.  I know that from now on I will always do my absolute best to keep those little hearts away from pain, to help them heal their wounds, because I know they are hurting too.

Thank you for the chance of being a wife, maybe I was not the perfect one or your dream one, but I was one that loved you with unconditional love since the moment we met; with you I learnt that a marriage is built one little detail at a time, also learnt that you can destroy it one little detail at a time, one missed conversation at a time, one unspoken word at a time, and I understand that what kills a marriage is not your words, is what lies beneath the silence.  Today I know I do not want a halfway love, today I know that I want unconditional, all in, an all true kind of love.

Thank you for this moment we are right now, because it pushed me to a God I forgot I needed.  Thanks for all the tears and the sleepless nights, because they showed me that there is always a sunrise every day, a brand new opportunity to get up and go forward, no matter what lies beside you.  

Thank you for all this pain, it helped me find the strength I forgot I had.  Now I know what I am really made of, and more importantly I discovered the mighty power of God acting in my life.  Because in the middle of all this pain and hurt I found a God waiting for me with open arms and was ready to heal my wounds.

I am sure that my heart, my memories, my soul will hurt for some more time, but not forever.  I know that sooner or later I will forgive and will heal.

I may not feel it now, but I know that you will keep a little space in my heart from now on.  

Your wife.

Thru my divorce I discovered I am a teacher, a writer and a loving mother.  I want my story to inspire you and fill you up with hope so you too can get to the other side of the tunnel.

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